77: Desperate Measures

on October 5, 2007 in 03: Virginal

In Which Mackenzie Is Given An Assignment

I woke up next to Amaranth, this time with my hand on her breast, and this time I didn’t freak out at all.

She was already awake, and looking at me. I remembered her telling me before that she hardly ever slept. She’d made it sound like sleeping at night… especially in a bed with blankets and everything… was a terrific indulgence for her. I smiled. Hadn’t she said something about doing this once a week?

I thought of Amaranth telling me I had to ask for the things I wanted… advice that seemed sounder and saner the more time piled up between me and the incident wherein she’d first tried to instill it in me. Still, “I want…” seemed a little out of place in our peculiar relationship.

“I would like to kiss you,” I said.

Amaranth appeared to mull this over. She made a big show of tilting her head, rolling her eyes back and forth, and biting the corner of her lip… just like Two, except for the lip thing. That was pure Amaranth. She might not even have realized she was doing it, in the middle of her exaggerated show of thought. It was adorable.

“Okay,” she said, finally, and rolled over on top of me.

Amaranth was bigger than me in every dimension, but she was wonderfully soft, and of course she couldn’t have crushed me if she tried. I had only asked for a kiss… I would have been satisfied with just a kiss… but this was more. This was a marriage of lips and tongues and hearts and for a moment… for a few minutes, even… the fact that I was naked in bed with another girl who was also naked in bed with me seemed like the most natural thing in the world. The fact that my blood was filthy poison and she was the metaphorical daughter of a goddess? Didn’t matter… didn’t matter a tiny little bit.

We were two girls, kissing.

Two girls, in love.

Two girls, naked in bed together.

Two girls… naked… in bed… together.

“Well, that honestly lasted longer than I expected,” Amaranth said ruefully, after I abruptly broke away, jerked myself to the side and pretty much slammed my back against the wall in a–purely reflexive–attempt to put as much space between our bodies as I could. She sat up, heaving herself back out from beneath the blankets as she did so, her gloriously formed, immense breasts coming into view.

“Sorry,” I said, still cringing under the covers… not ready to expose my own nudity to the world at large, or even the portion thereof which existed inside my room.

“It’s okay, honey,” Amaranth cooed, coaxing me over to lay my head next to her thigh, where she began to stroke my hair as I snuggled in against her soothing warmth. “It’s okay. You’ve come really far just since last weekend. I’m… I’m proud of you. I want you to remember that, no matter what.”

There it was again. Her voice had turned sad. My blood went cold. With some effort, I stayed right where I was, my face against the side of her leg, and let her keep stroking my hair. Maybe she’d have an easier time talking about this, in this position… her maternally, protectively affectionate… me, submissive and seeking reassurance.

“Amaranth?” I said softly, making it a question.

“Hmm hmm?” she murmured.

“What are you so afraid of?” I asked her, trying to let her hear the confusion and fear I felt at her talk of “for now” and “no matter what.”

Her hand stopped moving, froze in place mid-stroke.

“Nothing, baby,” she said. Baby? I tried to remember if she’d ever called me that before. “Honey,” sure… everybody was “honey” to Amaranth, though. It must have been something about our respective positions. “Nothing. I just… I’ve… I did something really stupid, and I can’t see anyway out of it that’s not going to hurt… more than one person.”

This worried me. “Stupid” had practically become a dirty word to Amaranth in the wake of the Mechan incident, and she’d almost bent over backwards to get Two to say she was smarter than me… now to call herself, or even something she’d done, stupid… well, it worried me.

“What did you do?” I asked. “We can fix it, whatever it is.”

“I don’t think so,” she said. “I can’t see any way it can be fixed…”

“We can try, if I know what it is,” I said.

I heard her sigh. I felt her tense. I started to rise, but her hand gently pushed my head down. I meekly accepted the position. Whatever would help her come out and get it over with…

“Look, I’m just going to come out and say it,” she said. “The thing is, I think I could stand to lose you… I could stand almost anything… as long as you don’t yell at me again. So… when I’ve finished telling you, if you don’t want to be mine any more… if you never want to see me again, just… say so, and I’ll leave. Only, please don’t yell at me… I couldn’t bear it. If you feel like you have to yell, just… just… tell me to go, and I will.”

“I’d never…”

“You don’t know!” Amaranth said, and the desperate certainty in her voice caught me off guard. “Promise me, okay? Promise me no yelling… if you can’t stand to say anything else, just tell me… just… just say your safeword, and… that’ll be it. I’ll go.”

“Amaranth…” I said, imploringly.

“Promise!”

“Yes, ma’am,” I said… those two words, between us, were a stronger promise than “I promise.”

“Okay,” she said, and took a deep breath. “Okay,” she said again, and then a third time. “Okay. Um… you know how you get freaked out over what you consider ‘real sex’? Well, yeah, I guess you do… anyway… um… there’s that, and then there’s how I think it’s cute when you do something really naive? None of that… none of that’s the stupid thing I did, but I want you to understand why… I mean, how things ended up this way. I honestly thought it would be for the best, you know? I thought it would be a fun surprise and maybe it would even help you get over a few things… but then… I thought I was being so clever, you know? And then I started to learn better… about sex out here in the real world, about how you take surprises… and dear goddess, this is just going to crush poor Steff…”

“What’s going to crush her?” I asked, alarmed.

“She just thinks you’re the most… I mean, I think she only got over the Mechan thing so quickly because she can’t help but think of you as a wonderfully accepting person,” Amaranth said. “When she finds out…”

“Finds out what?” I asked. I thought I was a pretty accepting person.

“And then, there she was at lunch yesterday… looking over your black list and looking for loop… holes… oh, sweet Mother!” she exclaimed, with an almost frightening amount of relief in her voice. “Why didn’t I think of this sooner?”

“What?” I asked. She’d changed direction so quickly I almost had whiplash. “What did you think of?”

She laughed.

“I know how to fix this!” she said.

“Fix what?” I asked.

“Never mind that, baby… in fact, forget eveything I just said, okay?” she said.

“But… you didn’t tell me anything,” I pointed out.

“I said never mind that,” she said. “Now, when you were making your black list, you laid it out so that nobody could penetrate your pussy or your butt, but you exempted your mouth.”

“Uh, yeah?” I said, not sure what the big deal was. I’d mainly been making sure I didn’t write myself out of making out. “Making out”… “horny”… it seemed like I was using all kinds of words these days that I’d never pictured myself using before.

“So… the door’s still open for blowjobs,” she said. She giggled. “So to speak.”

“Um… I suppose,” I said. “But… it’s just you and Steff, so…”

“And Ian,” she said. “You’re planning on still dating him, right?”

I lifted my head.

“Well, I guess. I mean, I actually was going to give him a… you know, a… blowjob,” I said, spitting out the word. “At the dance. Or try to. I don’t know if I could have gone through with it, but we were dancing… and he had his hands on me, and I could feel his… thing… up against me, and it was just, the heat of the moment, you know? Plus, Steff had let slip that you’d prefer it if I… did something… for him, and it was like, I wasn’t going to have sex-sex with him, but oral seemed like something I could handle. At the time, anyway.”

Amaranth stared down at me, an expression of wonder on her face.

“You were really going to?” she asked.

“I was going to try!” I said, wanting to make that distinction clear. I sat up, drawing my knees up in front of me. “But then I asked him if he was a virgin, and he freaked out, because…” I stopped. I hadn’t told Amaranth about my dietary needs, and didn’t plan on it. With Ian, it had seemed necessary to get him to accept me. Amaranth already accepted me. Why risk tampering with that? “Because he thought it had something to do with my feeding.” There. Truth. “So he kind of… flipped. We sorted things out, and had a nice evening, but the mood kind of shifted.”

“But… still… you really do owe that boy something for his trouble,” Amaranth said, and there was a desperate sort of insistence in her voice, as if she were trying to convince herself along with me. She got up off the bed and started to pace. “I mean, I’m given to understand that this is how dates normally work, in the modern age. You’ve got class with him this morning?”

I nodded and started to open my mouth, but she turned with lightning speed and cut me off with a shushing finger on my lips.

“Mack, listen carefully: I want you to offer Ian a blowjob,” she said. “In fact… in fact… offer to blow him whenever he wants! Well, not in class, obviously… and not in public. That takes care of your black list limitations, right?” I was still restrained from answering, but somehow, she didn’t seem to be entirely talking to me. She gave a nervous laugh. “The first time, it might be hard… well, ‘it’ should be hard every time, referring to his penis… but I mean, the act will get easier each time, and you’ll become comfortable and familiar with… well… and you can stop worrying about being a lesbian, because from your point of view, this will prove you’re not, right? Right! So… everybody wins. Got it?”

She unshushed me.

“I’m not sure…” I started to say, but her finger came back up.

“I’m giving you an order, Mack,” Amaranth said, looking down the length of her arm at me. The look was even more imposing for the fact that I was sitting and she was standing, never mind how high the bed was. “I don’t think I’m honestly asking that much. I mean, the last I heard you wanted to keep dating Ian, anyway, and sex of some kind is the ultimate goal of dating, right? I mean, without sex, you’re just kind of kidding yourselves. Besides that, it’s for your own good… for everybody’s good, actually, and I can’t explain how or why right now, but you either trust me or you don’t. So, when I take my finger off, you can either say ‘Yes, ma’am’… or… you can say your safeword… and then… I guess I’ll just have to figure something else out.”

From the way she said the last part, I had the feeling she wasn’t about to go back to unburdening her soul about whatever was troubling her even if I dug in my heels against her “solution” to the unknown problem. She took a deep breath and lowered her hand. Words tumbled out of my mouth.

“But I don’t under…”

The finger came back up so quickly, she effectively smacked me in the mouth. I don’t think she meant it that way, but there was an almost angry glint in her eyes as she looked over the edge of her glasses. She shook her head to clear it away, and I saw a note of pleading. Then, she composed herself a bit more and there was nothing but firm resolution.

“We’re going to try this… onemoretime,” she said, in as stern a voice as she’d ever used. “Close your eyes and think very carefully about what you want to do. When you’re ready to answer, open them.”

I closed my eyes, but I could still feel her gaze. I thought about it. Ian was nice, sort of. Actually, if I was going to be honest with myself… if Ian hadn’t freaked out when I asked him if he was a virgin, I probably would’ve gone through with it. As freaked as I’d been to touch his hand when I thought he’d been getting himself off, the context of the music and the dancing and his hands on me had made all the difference… and if I was willing to do it in one situation, I could be willing to do it again.

So, no… she really wasn’t asking that much, when I looked at it that way. At the very least, she wasn’t talking like she expected me to turn around and… and dump her, or something… any more.

I had been almost willing to do it at the dance, anyway… I still couldn’t find much enthusiasm for the idea, in general… but… Amaranth wanted me to. The idea, for whatever reason, seemed to please her beyond the extent which everything sexual normally did.

Also, she was right… it would be great to settle the lesbian question once and for all… and for the answer to be “no.” I had accepted being in love with a woman. I had accepted that another woman could make me incredibly horny with just her voice. I still would really rather not be a lesbian, if it turned out that I could help it.

And, Also, Amaranth wanted me to. That one was worth mentioning again… over and over again. Amaranth wants me to. Amaranth, had in fact, ordered me to.

And Steff… I knew what Steff would say about me, bound to give some kind of pleasure to a boy on demand… what she would call me. My face burned. My heart thumped. Oh, yeah… Steff would definitely let me know how she felt about this development. I could think about that what while I did it.

It went without saying that Ian would have little reason to complain.

Was all that what Amaranth meant when she’d said that everybody wins?

I couldn’t really see a downside… other than, you know, the part where I put my mouth on the thing a guy pees with and get his stuff either all over or inside me.

But, was I being foolishly squeamish there? I knew… I knew… that my body was naturally filthy. Could a girl with demon blood possibly have any excuse to be grossed out by contact from anything that came from a fully human boy? If anything, I’d probably be cleaner at the end than when I started. It might not feel that way, but I would just have to tell myself any feeling of extra dirtiness was in my head.

I opened my eyes. If I hadn’t already made up my mind, the look on Amaranth’s face would have convinced me… her eyes, so big and round like Two’s, watery and pleading… her other hand up by her own mouth, where she chewed on her thumb in a nervous gesture that went beyond the fits of lip-biting I’d occasionally seen from her. She needs me to do this, I realized. I didn’t know why, but it was clearly true.

Very slowly, she pulled her finger away.

I lowered my face to the floor and said, softly but clearly, “Yes… ma’am.”

She let out a gasp and a squeal and then practically tackled me.

“Oh, Mack, you won’t regret this!” she said.

“Can I ask why?” I asked. “Why is this so important?”

“Don’t you worry your head about that… just know that the problem I was so worried about will all but take care of itself now. It’s just part of the miraculous nature of life that whatever the problem is, sex can be the solution… even when the problem is also sex,” she said. She pulled me close, burying my head in her chest “Oh, I could get down on my knees and thank Mother Khaele… but I won’t. I’ll save that for later, when you’re not around.”

That thought seemed to sober her a bit, and she loosened her grip. I stood on my toes and tried to return the embrace in a more equal fashion.

“It can’t be easy, having to watch yourself around me,” I said.

“We all make compromises for the ones we love,” Amaranth said. She released me, and began to pace excitedly. “Anyway, Mother Khaele told me I don’t need to pray all the time to show my devotion, only for the really big stuff… and this, well, it’s big. It’s huge.” She laughed again. “You might not understand it now, but… well… this will change everything, if it works. Which I’m sure it will. I mean, I can’t imagine anybody not enjoying cock after they’ve got a couple blowjobs under their belt…”

I tried to imagine why it would be so important to her for me to “enjoy cock.” I wasn’t liking any of the possibilities… most of which only just barely qualified as “possible.”

“You don’t need me to start helping you with your ‘work’ for some reason, do you?” I asked. This one seemed the most likely.

“Oh, no, nothing like that,” she said. “I mean, you’re always welcome… everybody is… but I could hardly expect it of you.”

“So why…”

She shushed me.

“No more questions,” she said.

“Okay,” I said. “Well… it’s a little bit early, still, but do you want to find Two and get breakfast?”

“Oh… um… well, you’re out of punches, aren’t you?” she said.

I colored with embarrassment… of the non-exciting kind. Amaranth had paid for my admission to dinner the night before, as she had when I’d run out of allotted meals the week before.

“I am… completely out of cash,” she said. “So… um… why don’t we just skip breakfast today, and… for lunch… well, you’ll be seeing Ian before then, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said. “But…”

“So, you’ll be eating something else entirely,” she said, then giggled. “Meaning, of course, Ian’s cock.”

“What if he isn’t interested?” I asked.

“Do you really think that’ll be a problem?” she asked. “Persuade him if you have to… though I really doubt you’ll have to.”

“Didn’t you want me to try eating more regular food?” I asked.

“Yes, but this is more important,” Amaranth said. “So I do not want to see you in the dining hall for lunch… I want you either going down on Ian, or keeping after him.”

“Do you really think it’ll take that long?” I asked, doubtfully.

“Take your time… any job worth doing, and all that,” Amaranth said. “Oh!” She actually slapped her forehead. “You have your first melee class today, right?”

“…yeah,” I said, not sure what this had to do with the topic at hand. “Right after my afternoon lab.”

“Why don’t you skip it and see if Ian wants another go?” she asked. “Oh, wait… that’s on your black list. Um… well… just make sure you definitely do a session with Ian before that. And… if Steff gets too friendly, make sure you remind her that she’s not to distract you during classes, alright? Plus, you know… weapon safety, and all that.”

It wasn’t weird for Amaranth to push anybody to have sex with… anything… but this insistence that I make myself so available to Ian, right next to her telling me to slow things down with Steff was downright bizarre.

“Are you trying to get me to go with Ian in place of Steff?” I asked.

“No!” she said, with enthusiasm that probably couldn’t have been faked. “Oh, no, nothing like that! I want you to have as many lovers as you want! Honestly, nothing would thrill me more than if you fucked everybody who showed the slightest interest… but… um… the thing is, Ian really hasn’t had as much of your time and attention as Steff and I have. Now, seriously, no more questions. This will all make sense soon… a couple of days at the most. Definitely by the end of the week. Do you understand what I expect of you?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I figured it would probably end up being one of her bizarre notions like her mysterious germs or whatever… but… did it matter? I’d just watched her go from being so sure I wouldn’t want to be hers to being almost deliriously happy at the idea of me going down on a guy who was basically pretty nice. After the way she’d talked… like she was going to leave me, or she was going to lose me… it would be worth going down on a hundred guys to make her happy, to keep from losing her, or her from losing me.

I wasn’t about to volunteer that information, of course. Amaranth could be pretty excitable on the topic of sex.

And, on the topic of germs, she mentioned them again as she excused herself to go take a shower, reminding me to do the same when she was done. I half expected her to tell me to come with her, but evidently she kept her (utterly unnecessary) sanitary efforts separate from any pursuit of pleasure.

She was a very, very strange girl… probably even for a nymph.

But she was my owner, and I was her toy.

She was mine, and I was hers.

That was worth a little flexibility.

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10 Responses to “77: Desperate Measures”

  1. pedestrian says:

    Dear Alexandra – you are driving me mad trying to untangle this web of inter-relationships that you have woven into this glorious tale of tail. Obviously you are drawing out when it is time for cocktails, shaken AND stirred.

    Current score: 0
  2. Maesenko says:

    Wouldn’t have minded it so much if Amaranth had only made the order to be “try it one time” instead of “at every opportunity.”

    …and I’m still waiting for Mackenzie to grow a backbone and speak up against Amaranth. That would really make my evening. Watching one’s Will grow can be such a lovely turn-on…

    Current score: 4
    • NekoLeila says:

      Amaranth would be crushed if Mack found out about Steff and freaked out about it, so she’s trying to ease her into it the only way she knows how

      Current score: 0
  3. Mickey says:

    Minor typo: “I could think about that what while I did it.” should probably be “I could think about that while I did it.”

    Also, in the paragraph above, I’m not sure whether “And, Also, Amaranth wanted me to.” should be “And, also, Amaranth wanted me to.”

    Also…you write incredibly hot erotica. Just sayin’. And it’s a really nice experience to be reading incredibly hot erotica…and just wanting to give everyone involved a hug. Not a sexy-times hug, but a big, comforting, reassuring, “No, really, your friends will still love you even when you screw up.” kind of hug.

    Current score: 0
  4. Anonymous says:

    Just tell her already! Amaranths philosophy of “sex solves everything” is really going to come back and bit her in the ass (no pun intended)

    Current score: 2
    • tordirycgoyust says:

      Ah, but getting bitten in the ass leads to more sex, and therefore more opportunities for sex to solve problems:p

      Current score: 0
  5. Krey says:

    Long time fan rereading from the start and I absolutely HATE Amy so much this time around. Her naivete aside, this is really just the absolute worst abuse of a Dom’s power… She has everyone’s best interest in her (and only her) mind, but still… UGH!

    Current score: 7
    • Lara says:

      I am in exactly the same situation – reading through for the first time in five or six years and Amaranth is making me sooo angry haha

      Current score: 1
  6. This is what I’m thinking. Stuff is a crossdresser, or, regardless of breast size, has a penis.

    Current score: 5
    • Kanta says:

      Penis, tentacle, mysterious third hand, there’s something up there, and I intend to find out what.

      Current score: 3