Sunday, Astera 20th 222
On Sunday I have breakfast with Mack and Amaranth.
Steff is not there because she is sleeping in.
When I go to get my food, I notice that there are labels on the doors on the side of the end of the dessert island.
One of them says “bubble gum”.
I do not think that bubble gum is actually a food but I think that I could be mistaken.
I open the doors and find tubs of ice cream, including bubble gum ice cream.
I had thought that ice cream is not for breakfast, but the food services people only leave the breakfast things out in the morning so I must have been mistaken.
I get a bowl of bubble gum ice cream.
I put an extra scoop in because I have been told that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
When I get back to the table, Mack starts to say something and I am afraid that I will be told that bubble gum ice cream is not for breakfast.
Amaranth stops her and she is told to get some ice cream.
She gets a very small amount of butter pecan.
It is not my place to tell her that she isn’t very good at following orders.
Our friend Celia arrives.
She asks Mack what the fuck happened to her.
I do not think anything the fuck happened to Mack.
I finish eating.
I tell the others that I am finished and say goodbye to them.
I am asked what the fuck happened this weekend.
I tell Celia that we went to town and I was good and got taffy.
I am asked what I’m doing now.
I tell Mack that I am going to my room.
I am asked if I would like to come to the library with Mack and Amaranth.
I am told to come to the library with Mack and Amaranth.
I am asked if I would be comfortable with an order to do what I like.
I would not.
I wait for Amaranth and Mack to finish eating since we are going to the library.
I start to have to pee but Amaranth and Mack are going to the library and I have been told to go with them.
It isn’t very far to the library and the library has bathrooms so this isn’t a problem.
We walk slowly because Amaranth beat all the self-loathing out of Mack’s bottom.
I hold hands with Amaranth and Amaranth holds hands with Mack.
It feels nice.
I still have to pee, though.
Amaranth says that Mack is an intelligent person.
I say that I think she is very smart and she is the smartest person that I know.
I am told to keep an open mind to the possibility that somebody could be smarter than Mack.
I do so.
Mack is still the smartest.
She stops walking and Amaranth almost trips.
Amaranth asks her if she is okay, honey.
They talk about intelligence.
I still have to pee and we aren’t moving.
Mack says that Amaranth is very smart and she is the smartest person that she knows.
Amaranth and Mack both laugh at this.
I start to cry because I think they are making fun of me.
Amaranth says that Mack was making fun of her, not me.
I was mistaken.
I tell Amaranth that I do not think I like people making fun of me.
I am asked if people make fun of me often.
I tell Mack that they do not often but sometimes.
I am told to ask people to stop making fun of me, if it’s safe to do so.
I am asked who would make fun of me.
I tell Mack that Maliko would.
I am told to tell Maliko that she’s hurting my feelings the next time that she says something that makes me feel bad, and to ask her to stop.
I look for clarification from Mack but she doesn’t have any.
I really have to pee.
I tell Amaranth I need clarification about if we are still going to the library.
She tells me that we are.
I am asked why I asked, with the clarification that Mack means why I needed clarification.
I tell her that I would need to find another bathroom somewhere else if we weren’t, soon.
We go to the library.
Amaranth runs with me up to the second floor.
It’s okay to run because it’s an emergency.
Mack still can’t run.
Amaranth comes into the bathroom with me to make sure I am okay.
She says she has never been in the girls’ bathroom in the library before.
I am told to never, ever go into the boys’ room in the library basement ever, especially after dark.
I am not supposed to be in any boys’ bathroom, any time, unless I’m cleaning it and nobody else is in it.
I am not supposed to describe when I go to the bathroom.
I feel better afterwards.
I am told to wash my hands with more soap.
I thought I had used enough soap but I was mistaken.
I am told to wash my hands again just to be sure they are clean.
I am already sure that they are clean but I am not any less sure after I finish washing.
I don’t think I like going to the bathroom with Amaranth.
We go back downstairs and into the entranceway.
Mack is upset about something and she has posters.
She is asked what happened.
Mack tells Amaranth that she either mugged the social committee or she volunteered to put up posters.
I think it’s more likely she volunteered.
Amaranth says that bingo night could be fun.
She shows me the poster.
I am told to come to bingo night every Wednesday during fall term.
I am asked if I would like to go to bingo night, ignoring any commands.
I tell Mack I would like to.
I ask her if she would like to go with me.
I am asked if I would like her to go with me.
I clarify that I wouldn’t like her to go if she wouldn’t like to go.
I am told that she wouldn’t mind going if it made me happy.
I tell her that I wouldn’t be happy if she wouldn’t be happy being there.
We are told that we are adorable and we are both going.
Amaranth is going, too.
Amaranth says that it is date but Mack says it is a plan.
She says that she would not date me because I am like her sister.
I had thought that I was like her friend but I was mistaken.
I am asked if I am okay.
I try to tell Amaranth that I am but I am still figuring out my mistake so I only nod.
I am asked if I can walk.
Amaranth takes my hand.
I am taken back inside the library and sat down.
Mack is asked if she’s sure I’m okay.
I tell Amaranth and Mack that I am okay.
They both go away.
I do not mind because I am like Mack’s sister and I know they will be back.
Mack comes back with some books which she starts to read.
She says my name.
She says she never noticed that my runes look like my name.
She says that it is interesting.
I had thought that there was nothing interesting about me but I was mistaken.
I see that her books are all about golems.
I ask for clarification about why she is reading about golems.
She says that it is interesting to her because she wants to understand me and my situation, because she wants to help me and that means she has to know about golems.
That makes sense because if I am like her sister then she is like my sister.
I go to find books about demons so that I can understand and help her.
I find a book that looks like it will be the most helpful because it is the biggest and bring it back to the table.
It doesn’t have a title.
I start to read.
I may have been mistaken about the helpfulness. The book is very large and in old script that is in a code and there are pages that are nothing but illustrations.
I am asked what I am doing with the book.
I tell Mack that I am reading about demons because I WANT to help her and I ask her if I am doing it wrong.
I don’t know much about being like a sister.
Mack takes the book away and closes it.
I am told that I don’t need to know about demons and I can’t help her and demons are evil.
I tell her that I think she is mistaken.
I am told that she is not mistaken and she could hurt somebody, or me.
I tell her that she is mistaken and she couldn’t.
I am told that she could.
I tell her that she couldn’t.
I tell her that I would like the book back, please.
She gives it to me.
I work on reading the book until we leave.
When we get to Harlowe we help Mack put up the posters.
Senior Resident Assistant Gwendolyn Rodrigues asks Amaranth and Mack if it’s really right for them to make me carry posters.
I tell her that I like to help Mack.
We put up posters in the downstairs lounge and the hallway and the stairwells.
When all the posters are done I hold Mack’s hand.
I spend the afternoon hanging out with Mack.
I would like to decipher the book but I like hanging out with Mack more.
She watches TV and I watch her so that I know how to act like her sister.
I don’t really see anything different.
I decide that I will have to think about this some more.
I have been told to apply to work at the food court when I have time but I am busy hanging out until dinner.
At dinner Celia asks Amaranth if she will move in with Mack now that Puddy is moving out.
I think that I would like to move in with Mack but I am not asked.
Celia says that Barley moved out of her room and isn’t coming back.
Amaranth is sad, I think because Barley is like her sister.
After dinner Amaranth has to go to work.
I go back to the food court but it’s closed.
I study the book until it’s time to go to bed.
I want to help Mack.