My habitual discomfort at being the center of attention, which I’d necessarily made a lot of progress in overcoming, was returning in full force, especially when the applause and scattered shouts and wolf whistles broke out.

“I thought you said this put me off limits,” I said to Karl, through a jaw that was barely mobile.

“It does,” Karl said. “The applause is for Ian. Take a bow, lad.”

Ian did.

Once that formality had been observed, most of the attention passed, though a lot of the human guys in tabards were still staring at me. I guessed they had been the ones shouting and whistling.

I was surprised at the number of human females there, and also by the amount and variety of nudity among them. While over half of them were fully dressed, some of the girls were topless, or at least down to their bras. I saw at least one who was completely naked. I was used to seeing mermaids and nymphs, but the sight of a fully human girl hanging out like that was a little startling.

“What do you think?” Karl asked, gesturing expansively around the room.

I didn’t say anything. Aside from being filled up with dwarves and not, say, bones, the chamber was probably more Steff’s sort of place than mine. There was something distinctly sepulchral about the high vaulted ceiling and the grotesque carved faces. The stones became progressively darker the higher they climbed, and not just because they were further away from the light… greasy soot clung to them. There were spills everywhere, and in point of fact, there were bones… tiny little ribcages and drumsticks.

The big black ravens flying around overhead didn’t help the gloominess or cleanliness either, and they reminded me uncomfortably of the monstrous crows from the cursed farm.

“Awesome,” Ian said.

“You should have seen the place before Ms. Willikins m… asked us to start cleaning up after ourselves,” Karl said. “It used to be a dump. There’s roast boar and fowl.” He gestured to the dark shapes turning over glowing red coals. “And mead and ale, and just about anything else you’d want to drink. Just ask anybody if you want something in particular. Swimming hole and spring rooms are downstairs.” He pointed at one of the side passages leading off from the circular chamber. “If you stay late, guest lodgings are available anywhere that people aren’t standing.”

“Thanks, but I really don’t think we’re going to be here that long,” I said.

My eyes were stinging from the smoke, and the air inside the dwarves’ hall wasn’t really warmer so much as it was more unevenly heated. It was pleasantly warm though smoky near the fires but there was an icy chill rolling out from the center of the room, and the areas in between were… in between.

“Suit yourselves. I have to go greet my clan brothers,” Karl said. “Would you like me to introduce you around?”

“I think we’ll just mingle on our own,” I said quickly. I didn’t really want to “mingle” at all, until I got my bearings a little bit better, and I certainly didn’t want to be led around the room and presented while I was still chained.

Ian led me by the arm down the sloping floor towards the center of the room, away from the heat and towards the source of the horrible cold. There was a fenced off hole in the middle of the room, looking down on an underground lake in which several dwarves frolicked and splashed along with Feejee, unmistakable with her masses of gold jewelry, and another mermaid that I thought was the scarlet-haired Iona.

I’d seen Feejee in her natural state before, but never in motion. There was something eerie and hypnotic about watching the way she and Iona propelled themselves back and forth. The lower chamber was much larger than the opening, so they glided and undulated in and out of view. I watched them pass each other several times, sometimes slipping right past each other and other times rolling over and kind of spiraling around each other.

I wondered how mermaid… merfolk, rather… had sex.

Then I wondered how mermaids did.

I couldn’t really imagine anything more intimate or beautiful than the aquatic ballet that was unfolding beneath me.

I realized I was staring at a pair of nude female beings in the presence of my oh-so-patient boyfriend, but then I tore my gaze away from the sight below and saw that he was as awestruck as I was.

Feejee happened to roll over at the right moment and noticed me looking down. She stopped and waved. I reflexively tried to return the gesture and ended up wrenching myself around in place.

“Come on down!” she yelled.

“Maybe later,” I called back, though I didn’t think that likely. The water had to be freezing, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone swimming, even without my hands bound with heavy metal weights.

I was also a little iffy about whether or not I could drown. I needed to breathe, as far as I could tell, but I didn’t think I could breathe water. But, I couldn’t be harmed by non-magical means. Where did that leave me?

I had a theory that I’d pass out but not actually die. I wasn’t in a big huge hurry to test it.

“You don’t want to go down and say hello?” Ian asked.

“There’s naked dwarves down there, too,” I pointed out.

“I just meant… she’s your friend.”

“Kind of,” I said. “She hangs out with some real bitches.”

“You want something to drink?” Ian asked.

“Maybe later,” I said.

“Oh.”

“It’s okay if you get something,” I said.

“Maybe in a bit.”

“Hey,” Ian said, tugging on my elbow. “Look… cuffs.”

I turned and saw him pointing across the gap at another girl. She had her shirt pulled off, though it was stuck down over the ends of her arms. She had a knot of boys around her. We probably wouldn’t have been able to see her at all except she was backed up against the gap.

“Don’t point,” I said.

“It’s not like she’s facing us,” Ian said.

“It’s rude, anyway,” I said. “Anyway, it doesn’t look like the chains are working.”

“They look pretty secure to me,” Ian said.

“I mean, at keeping the guys off her,” I said. One of them had a bottle of beer and was “feeding” the girl sips, but was holding the bottle up high and making her stretch up for it, tipping the neck down to meet her lips. This resulted in most of it going down the front of her. “Can you believe those guys? Can you believe her?”

“She’s gonna get her teeth knocked out if they’re not careful,” Ian said.

“I’m so glad you’re not a frat boy,” I said.

“Yeah, well,” he said. “I wouldn’t even think about pledging my first year.”

I looked at him to see if he was joking. It didn’t look like it.

“What, you mean, you’d think about pledging ever?” I asked.

He gave me a dirty look.

“What?” I asked.

“Tolerance isn’t just for lesbians and kobolds, you know,” he said.

“Oh, please,” I said. “Frat guys aren’t an oppressed minority.”

“No, but that doesn’t mean you can act like they’re all idiots,” Ian said. “Look, one of the reasons you go to college is to meet new people and make friends, right?”

“I have friends,” I said.

“People on your floor,” Ian said. “It’s hard to meet ‘new people’ like that after about a week. Anyway, what about networking?”

“Oh, right,” I said. “Like your dad, the Crimson Tonguer.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my dad.”

“I didn’t say there was!” I said.

“You know, why don’t you just wait here for a minute?” he said.

“Why, where are you going?” I asked.

“I’m going to go talk to the Badgers,” he said. “Unless you’d like to come along?”

“No, but…”

“Wait here, then.”

“Wait!” I said, but he didn’t, and I didn’t feel like shouting after him across a crowded room. Not while I was chained up.

“Hey there, Mack,” Hazel said at my side.

Her sudden appearance startled me.

I started to lose my balance, and wrenched myself to the side so that I’d hit the floor instead of going over the edge.

“Whoops,” Hazel said. “Didn’t mean to sneak up like that.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “Help me up, okay?”

“Yeah, that’s going to work really well,” Hazel said. She gave an ear-splitting whistle. Andreas hurried over. “Give Mack a hand, won’t you?” she said.

“Yes, dear,” he said, and helped pull me up. Given that I couldn’t use my arms and was taller than he was, it was kind of like being molded into the shape of somebody standing up.

“Why don’t you go get us some of that chicken,” Hazel said. “Breasts or thighs, Mack?”

“Uh, breast,” I said.

“I’ll be right back, ladies,” Andreas said.

“Karl said something about dwarven relationships being power struggles,” I said as Andreas hurried towards one of the roasting pits.

“Oh, yeah, we did that bit,” Hazel said. “Turns out I won.” She gave me an appraising grin. “Guess I don’t have to ask where you came in with Ian.”

“This was my choice,” I said.

“Naturally,” Hazel said. “You ready to take them off?”

“I told Ian it was up to him,” I said.

“Well, we can either have Andy move your arms around to the front or I can feed you from a stepladder,” Hazel said.

“When you say ‘move my arms around to the front’…” I said, remembering Karl’s words about dislocated joints.

“I mean, undo them for a sec,” she said.

Andreas returned, chicken in hand. Literally.

Hazel glared at him.

“What?” he asked.

“Plates,” she said.

“Oh, right,” he said, and headed off again.

“I’m slowly civilizing them,” she said. “Slowly.”

Andreas returned, this time with two small platters that were actually octagonal slabs of stone. He handed them to Hazel while he, at her direction, shuffled my bonds around so that I had my hands in front of me. He also increased the slack between them somehow, so I could hold the plate in one hand and lift the chicken with the other… though the plate did kind of follow the meat up.

“What can I get you to drink?” Andreas asked me. Hazel already had a bottle of beer with what looked like dwarvish writing on the label.

“What do you have without alcohol?” I asked.

“We have spring water,” Andreas said. “Oh, and human beer.”

“Non-alcoholic?” I asked.

“Mostly,” he said. “Almost ninety-five percent non-alcoholic.”

I sighed. I didn’t want to insult him.

“Hold on, Mack,” Hazel said, handing her plate and drink to Andy. “I’ll dig up something you might like, and if you don’t, I’ll break out my private stash of pop.”

I thought about asking her if we could skip the try-and-see part and go straight to the soda, but that seemed rude since apparently it wasn’t for public consumption. Anyway, I didn’t like alcohol but I wasn’t so naive as to think that life really was like after school specials. If I took a sip, I wouldn’t be raped after overdosing on herbs in the middle of a carriage crash while being teen pregnant.

“So… how are you getting along with Hazel?” I asked Andreas while she went over to a big wooden tub full of bottles with a little bit of ice.

“Beautifully,” he said. “She’s like a dream.”

“Doesn’t she kind of… bull rush over you?” I asked. “A little bit?”

“Maybe a little, but have you seen the way she eats?” he said. “It’s… it’s… erotic.”

His eyes were on Hazel rooting around in the tub as he said this. I’d never noticed anything about the way Hazel ate, except that it was frequent. I guessed dwarves—or at least Andreas—liked girls who could pack it away.

Hazel found what she was looking for, but detoured over to one of the cooking pits and loaded up a plate with some meat from the pig and a pile of what turned out to be little red potatoes, and a couple onions and tomatoes with grill marks on them.

“Vegetables,” she said as she came back, shaking her head. “There were heart attacks when I brought these down. Now all the lads are eating them.” She handed the bottle to Andreas, then picked up a big white onion and took a bite out of it.

“How can you eat that plain like that?” I asked.

“It’s sweet,” she said. “Sweeter still, after it’s been cooked for a while, but you can eat them raw like apples. You want to try?”

“No, thanks,” I said.

Andreas twisted the top off bottle and handed it to me. I had to set my plate down on the ledge before I took it. It was in amber colored glass, with the label reading “Honey Lager” in Pax.

“That’s sweet, too,” Hazel said. “Go on. Give it a sip.”

I raised the bottle to my lips. My impression of beer was a kind of sour, bitter bready taste… but this was smooth, and a little bit sweet.

“What do you think?” Hazel asked.

“It’s… good,” I said. I wasn’t about to start chugging it down, but I really couldn’t criticize the taste.

“See, a lot of people say they don’t like beer,” Hazel said. “I say they just haven’t met the right one.”

“If you like sweet things, you should just try the mead,” Andreas said.

“That’s wine with honey, right?” I asked.

“It’s wine from honey,” he said.

“You can make wine from honey?” I said.

He nodded.

“We’d been making wine that way for millennia before the sissy fruit swill came along,” he said proudly.

“I’d give the mead a pass until you’ve got a feel for the stuff,” Hazel said. “The real dwarven stuff will sneak up on you, tie a boulder to your ankles and another one to your neck, then flip a coin to see which one of them it should push off the cliff.”

Andreas beamed and bowed at what he obviously considered to be high praise.

“So, um… on the subject of being tied up, is the whole chains thing a common sight around here?” I asked. I could see a few other girls here and there, with their hands bound either in front of or behind them. I felt self-conscious about the whole thing, but I had to admit catching a glimpse of another girl with her arms bound, especially the more bare ones… well, again, it would have been better if it was just Ian, but I was still turned on a little to imagine what I must look like.

“It’s mostly unattached ladies we invite,” Andreas said. “It’s only when we do these mixers that we get a lot of the other type… and of course, we don’t force anybody to observe our customs, but some people get a kick out of it, at least for a little while.”

“So, have you been downstairs?” Hazel asked. She’d sat down on the wall and was working her way through her two plates in an astonishing display of ambidexterity. She didn’t exactly stop eating to talk, but she managed to coordinate everything so that she wasn’t actually opening her mouth with food in it. “It’s quite a set-up, if you’re not a prude… and I guess we all know you’re not a prude.”

“I’m not one for swimming,” I said.

“I meant the hot springs and the steam rooms,” Hazel said.

“Steam rooms?” I repeated. I remembered how, at Amaranth’s prompting, I’d used some improvised magic to turn the showers into a steam room. The idea of getting the same experience without the magical effort was extremely appealing, especially considering how drafty the hall was.

“Yeah,” Hazel said. “These mad dwarves steam themselves up like clams and then jump into that icy water so they get cooled off and do the whole thing over again.”

I looked at Andreas for confirmation of this insane-sounding story.

“It’s true,” he said. “On a proper mountain, we’d run out into the snow, but we make do.”

“But, that’s not required, is it?” I said. “The jumping into the water part?”

“No,” he said. “It’s just something we do to get the blood flowing, you know? And to keep from looking like one of the piggies.”

“So, you think you might check it out?” Hazel asked.

“Can I take my stuff in there?” I asked, holding up the bottle and gesturing at the plate I’d set down.

“If you like,” he asked, seeming amused by the question. “Your drink won’t stay cold in there.”

“I’ll drink it fast,” I said.

“You probably want Andy to undo your bonds, then,” Hazel said.

“Why?” I asked. “Aren’t they rustproofed, or whatever?”

“Well, yes,” Andreas said. “But you’ll be wanting to get your shirt off.”

“Why would I be wanting that?” I asked.

“You ever wear clothes in a steam bath?” Hazel asked. “It’s not pleasant.”

“Yeah, um… I’m not taking off my clothes,” I said.

“We do have towels for the modest,” Andreas said.

I started to ask if they were clean, but I decided against it. That would be rude. If the towels were too small or otherwise sketchy-looking, I could always check them out now and try to wrangle an invite back later, when I had a swimming suit or bathrobe or something.

“I think I’ll just go down and take a look, at least,” I said.

“Would you like me to undo your irons?” Andreas asked.

“Yeah,” I said, holding out my hands. I looked around. I couldn’t see Ian. “And tell Ian where I went, okay?”

“What?” he asked.

“What?”

“You’re staring,” he said.

“Don’t you have another jacket?” I asked.

“I’ve got lots of jackets,” he said. “But I like this one. I’ve had it since I was fourteen.”

“It kind of shows,” I said.

“Well, I’m done growing,” he said. “So it’s not like it’s going to get any smaller.”

“It’s not going to get any bigger, either,” I said.

“Will you leave it alone?” Ian said. “Anyway, is that what you’re wearing?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said. “What else would I wear?”

I wasn’t exactly made out of extra clothes, so I just had on the same jeans and t-shirt I’d worn earlier. I’d thought about putting on my tightest pair of jeans, as a small way of putting on something “special” for the party, but had decided against it. It was hard enough to breathe in those things, let alone eat.

“I thought you might want to dress up, like you did for the dance,” Ian said. “With that skirt.”

“Are you kidding?” I said. “I’ll freeze. I’d freeze walking over, and who knows how cold it’s going to be underground?”

“I just thought you might have more fun if you cut loose a little.”

“I’m going to a party,” I said. “A drinking party, with a boy. I don’t want to cut much looser than that.”

“Okay,” he said, and that was the end of it.

“Let’s head downstairs,” I said. “I don’t want to make Karl climb a bunch of stairs.”

“Good idea,” he said. As we were heading down, he asked, “How do… um… the burrow gnomes manage this?”

“Hazel and Honey,” I said. I shrugged. “They just deal with it. It sucks for them, and Shiel and Oru, but I think that’s the reality of a multi-story building. Lifts are expensive. It doesn’t make sense to raise a big stink over them when there’s other, cheaper things that could be worked on.”

“We have one,” Ian said. “But it’s slow as hell and nobody ever uses it.”

“Newer building,” I said. “And not divided. I think they’d have to knock down the walls between the sides before they could put lifts in Harlowe.”

“That’s pretty stupid to begin with,” Ian said. “Some of the dorms are single sex. Some are divided. Some are mixed. One of the towers even has boys and girls in the same suite. Why can’t they just pick a policy and stick with it?”

“I think it’s easier to set a rule than to change it,” I said. “If they try to split up a hall that’s not already split, the students will complain and the administration looks old-fashioned. If they try to mix up a hall that’s split, parents and religious groups complain and the administration looks ‘liberal’. It’s probably just cheaper and safer to let everything stay how it is and claim they’re giving students a choice.”

“Except for you guys over here,” Ian said.

“Well, technically, nobody has to room in Harlowe,” I said. “It’s just here for our ‘convenience’.”

“How many non-humans do you think there are on the rest of campus, though?” Ian said. “Not counting the elves and dwarves.”

“Don’t know,” I said. “I know the vast majority’s in Harlowe.”

“Might be interesting to find out,” Ian said. “And find out, you know, how they get by and stuff.”

“You actually think about this stuff?”

“Not all the time,” he said. “But… it’s important to you, you know?”

I did know. I tried to give him a quick kiss on the cheek to show my appreciation. Not a good idea, when walking down stairs. Fortunately, he caught me before I went sprawling.

“You might think about taking some remedial walking lessons,” he said.

“Oh, shut up,” I said.

We hung out in front of the building where Karl would be sure to see us, and he showed up at about a quarter after. I introduced him to Ian, and then he produced a pair of blindfolds. My eyes were on the pair of iron cuffs hanging on his belt by a length of chain.

“Oh, it’s sort of traditional,” he said.

I looked at Ian. The look on his face was one of surprise, but beyond that I couldn’t tell how he felt about this development, which Andreas had declined to mention.

“You know I’m not going there for… anything,” I said. “I mean, I’m not part of the entertainment, or whatever.”

“That’s the tradition,” Karl said. “It shows everybody that you are spoken for. I wouldn’t have brought the irons, but both Miss Feejee and Ms. Willikins said it might be, ah, ‘in your line.’”

Ms. Willikins? I wondered if it was simply the human-style surname which prompted this courtesy from the dwarves, or if she’d insisted on that form of address.

“Up to you,” Ian said, but I thought I heard a touch of eagerness in his voice.

I sighed and held out my hands.

“Behind your back,” Karl said, and I obeyed.

“Wait,” Ian said, as Karl stepped around behind me. I wondered if he was going to object to the whole thing, after all. “Let me do it,” he said instead, though, and I felt a thrill.

“Very well,” Karl said. “Just slip them over her hands and they’ll shrink to fit. Also, remember that only an Ironholt dwarf can unlock them.”

“There’s going to be several of you at the party, right?” I asked as Ian slipped the wide bracelets onto my hands.

Karl nodded.

They immediately snapped around the ends of my forearms, conforming to the shape of my arms like stretchy gloves. The chain also seemed to shrink, until it gave a very minimal amount of slack. The metal was unbearably cold, but it was kind of a nice feeling, being bound like this by Ian.

Though, it would have been nicer in the privacy of my own room.

“I don’t have to wear them the whole time, do I?” I asked, at the same time that Ian said, “You don’t have to take them off right away, do you?”

Karl laughed.

“You two will have to work that out between yourselves,” he said. He handed Ian the blindfolds. “I’ll let you apply these, as well.”

Ian tied the blindfold around my head first, and then I assumed he did the same for himself.

“All secure?” Karl asked. “You can’t see anything, can you?”

“No,” we both said. I felt something whooshing past my face and jumped back.

“Just checking,” Karl said. “If you’ll put one hand on me and bring your lady along with the other…”

Ian groped his way to my elbow and then we set out in an awkward, halting sort of way. It was lucky our leader had the shortest stride. As it was, I still kept almost tripping, and kicked Ian’s feet several times.

At least we were still on the lighted paths, as far as I could tell. The stupidity of stumbling around after dark blindfolded and with my hands tied behind my back was starting to get to me.

“This would be easier if you had a leash,” Ian said, after I kicked his ankle again.

“Spoken like a dwarf,” Karl said.

“Do dwarven women all put up with this kind of thing?” I asked, thinking of the dwarven woman I’d met on my trip to Enwich, and Puddy, who was supposedly distantly descended from one.

“Not really, no,” Karl said. “That’s why we like human women so much. There’s less of a power struggle. Dwarven courtships usually tend to lead to a lot of hurt feelings and dislocated joints, so we try to avoid them except when they’re absolutely necessary.”

We jerked to a stop and I heard a door opening, then felt the change in the air as we stepped inside.

“Are we in the union?” Ian asked.

“What are you, keeping track?” Karl asked. He sounded angry. “Counting steps?”

“What? No! Sorry,” Ian said. “Just guessing. I have no idea where we are.”

“I’m not supposed to take you on if I think you’re trying to work out the route.”

“I have no idea, honestly,” Ian said.

“Okay, then.”

From the fact that there was another set of doors immediately, and from the big echoey feel of the space those opened into, I thought it was pretty likely that Ian’s “guess” had been right, but I didn’t say anything. I usually went straight for the stairs up to the dining area, but Karl dragged us off in the other direction and around a couple corners. We stopped, and then there was the sound of a key in a lock.

“Stairs here,” Karl warned.

“Up or down?” Ian asked. Karl made a sort of growl. “Well, we’re going to find out anyway. I just wanted to know before we start climbing them.”

“Oh. Down, of course.”

“Um, could I possibly take my blindfold off for this part?” I asked.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Karl said.

“We could kind of throw you down,” Ian said.

“What?”

“So you only hit once, at the bottom,” he said.

“You’re assuming I’m going to fall,” I said.

“Aren’t you?” he asked.

“I’ll guide you down, one at a time,” Karl said.

“Alright, but you’d better do Mackenzie first,” Ian said. “You know, because, ladies first and all that.”

I let Karl lead me down seven freaking flights of stairs, one step at a time. For the first couple I was afraid I’d trip and fall. For the next few flights, I was thinking that the whole thing was an elaborate trap and that at any moment I would step off of one stair and not find another. By the time we got to the bottom, I’d pretty much forgotten about any thoughts except the automatic action of stepping forward and down. It was jarring to get to the bottom and take two steps in a row on semi-flat ground.

“I’ll be right back,” Karl said, after guiding me over to a wall, and then I was alone in the cold dark underground.

Approximately forever later, he came back and led Ian over to me. We set off again, through a dizzying set of twists and turns.

“Not much farther now,” Karl said after a while.

“Where ex… uh, where, vaguely, are we?” Ian asked.

“The tunnels under the school,” Karl said. “Oh, hang on.”

“Karl?” Ian said. He let go of me. I yelped and he grabbed onto my shirt.

“Hang on,” Karl said again.

I became aware of a rapid clicking sound, like something clattering over stone, and then Karl gave a fierce cry. There was a whoosh, and then a meaty thunk which was followed by a hissing scream, and then more of all of those in different combinations.

It was the most awful thing I’d ever heard, made all the worse for not being able to see it, and the knowledge that I couldn’t have done anything regardless.

Then, all was silent, and I realized that this in fact was the most awful thing I’d ever heard.

“My apologies,” Karl said out of the stillness. “We don’t usually see those in this part of the tunnels.”

“See what?” Ian asked.

“We call it a ‘slaughterpede’,” Karl said. He chuckled. “We lucked out, running into just one. They almost always travel in pairs.”

“So, you’re saying there might be another one still around?” I said.

“You have nothing to worry about,” Karl said. “They’re absolutely harmless, as long as you kill them quickly, before they have a chance to bite, sting, touch, spit acid, or use their mesmeric gaze… which, of course, you don’t even have to worry about. Of course, from a slaughterpede, you in particular don’t have anything to worry about. See what I meant about luck? Of all the monsters that roam down here, we ran into one of the few that doesn’t have any magical attacks.”

“I think I’d like to go back,” I said. My mind was filling up with two sets of equally horrifying images. In one, I was being set upon by something with magical claws or teeth or rays. In the other, Karl and Ian had both been slaughtered by a many-legged monstrosity, leaving me bound and blindfolded and alone in the caves.

“At this point it’d be a longer trek going out than it would be pressing on,” Karl said. “You’ve come this far. Don’t you want a little food and drink for your trouble?”

I didn’t say anything. My heart was pounding, and my teeth were chattering from about equal parts fear and cold. I wanted out, out of the caverns and out of danger… but if Karl was right, then the quickest way out was in.

“It’s up to you,” Ian said again.

“Let’s go on,” I said.

“Excellent!” Karl said. “We’re almost there, I promise.”

It did seem like only a few minutes later when he announced that we’d arrived. I waited for the blindfold to come off, but instead I heard a click and then a prolonged grinding sound. The floor began to shift beneath us, and then it began to move jerkily downwards.

“We’re going even deeper?” Ian said. “The tunnels have been sloping downward since we got in.”

“I thought you weren’t paying attention,” Karl said.

“It was hard not to notice,” Ian said, though I hadn’t noticed. Of course, I’d been too busy freezing my ass off and trying not to trip or run into a wall.

“Can I please get this stuff off now?” I asked.

“In a little bit,” Karl said. We continued to rumble down for about a minute, and then there was a sound from above of something heavy settling into place. “Alright. We’re enclosed now.”

I heard the sounds of fumbling around, and then Ian said, “Thanks.”

“You can do the lady,” Karl said.

A few moments later, I had my sight back.

“Cuffs?” I said.

Karl looked at Ian, who looked at me. He was giving me puppy dog eyes.
Over dwarven bondage.

It was still cute, but kind of in a what the fuck? sort of way.

I sighed.

“It’s up to you,” I said, repeating what he’d said to me several times already. He smiled.

“Let’s keep them on for now,” he told Karl, who nodded in approval.

“You just watch,” Karl said. “It’ll really cut down on the amount of unwanted attention you receive.”

I had a hard time believing that being led into the party in chains would result in a lack of attention, especially when I remembered that there was going to be a human fraternity there. Oh, well. I’d already told Ian it was up to him.

“Almost to the bottom now,” Karl said. The air was getting warmer as we descended, which was a welcome change. “Get ready for your first glimpse of the Underhall.”

I hadn’t really noticed it the time we’d gone to town, though. While even the public parts of the interior were done up in a style similar to the chancellor’s office, the outside wasn’t that impressive. It looked like it sat very low to the ground and seemed to blend in with its surroundings. I got the impression that the only thing that prevented it from apologizing for taking up any space at all was that it didn’t want to draw attention to itself.

At the moment, it didn’t have much choice in the matter.

The day was getting on towards noon, and word of the protest was probably spreading through classes. If there had been a hundred students in front of the building the last time somebody gave the chancellor a headcount, the crowd must have grown since then… and it was even larger if you counted the gawkers and onlookers who weren’t obviously participating but hovered around the edges. Those were all humans.

The group actually in the midst of things was a lot more mixed. In addition to Harlowites, there were also humans and about a dozen or so dwarves, including—I was pretty sure—my former classmate, Karl, son of Krieg. Feejee and Iona, the mermaids, stood among them. It was kind of an odd juxtaposition.

Everybody I expected was there, of course. To my surprise, the centerpiece of spectacle seemed to be Dee.

In spite of the sunlight and very public setting, she had thrown off her hooded cloak and her robes. She sat completely nude right in the middle of it all, cross-legged beneath a large parasol with her eyes closed. She’d set up placards around herself, with a single word written in multiple languages, one on each line. I recognized the two elvish scripts and high draconic, but the only one I could actually read was the Pax: “SHAME.”

I supposed it must have made some sense to her.

The crowd gave her a wide berth, out of what I hoped was respect. Some people seemed to be either gawking or very clearly averting their eyes, but both seemed to be in the minority.

Amaranth was the center of a rather large knot of mostly human, mostly male students that she addressed enthusiastically while they looked on attentively. Steff stood on a table with refreshments and banners for the Prism Pride Coalition and GSH, surrounded by what I assumed were those groups’ members. It took me a moment to spot Celia. Rather than leading a group in chanting slogans as I might have expected, she was being led by Shiel the kobold, who stood on a retaining wall holding a sign that said “WHO WILL BE NEXT?”

There was kind of a party atmosphere. Some people batted around balls, and there were a couple pairs of people sparring here and there. Some of the humans had brought music boxes or sound crystals, and several different songs competed with the jumble of talking and chanting, but they all lost out to the band that had set up on the edge of the crowd. It took me only a moment of wondering where they’d come from before I recognized the shirtless lute player, his head bowed low as he concentrated on his playing.

Sooni and her nekos were present, as well, though none of the cats looked very happy. They all held signs. Kai’s was bilingual, and said “End Oppression Now!” in precise block letters and (presumably) the same message in Yokano symbols. Maliko’s just had the big red circle-and-slash “NO” symbol on it, with nothing in the middle… probably a cultural mistranslation. Suzi’s read “SAV MAKCEN Z” in big loopy handwriting.

To my great surprise, Sara and Tara Leighton were also there… though while the hand on Sara’s side of their body held a sign that said “BAN TELAPORTS NOW”, Tara’s sign read “I’m Not Here.” They were both glaring at each other and it looked like they’d been fighting with markers. Finbar was a short distance away, clearly trying to pretend he wasn’t with either of them.

I took all this in within the first few moments of stepping out into the bright sunlight. The chancellor and I had come out without any announcement or warning, and the crowd didn’t notice us all at once. The chants stopped, the conversations died, and the general buzz and murmur faded away. Finally, the only sound left was from Ian, pouring all that he had into the lute. Once again, I was impressed by how good he really was.

Then, he noticed the lack of noise around him and stopped, looking up sheepishly.

So cute.

“Hi, Mack!” Two called from somewhere in the crowd.

“If I may have your attention, please,” the chancellor said.

Dee’s eyes opened in tiny slits.

“You’re supposed to say ‘hi’ back!” Two complained, and this time I spotted her. She was among the group around Amaranth.

“Hi, Two,” I said, waving.

“As you can all see, our missing student has been recovered safe and sound, thanks in large part to the efforts of Professor Scott Smith of the delving and discovery department.”

The applause at this statement was mingled with boos and hisses, especially from the group with Shiel and Celia. Chancellor Davies ignored this.

“As many of you will already have heard, Mis… Ms. Mackenzie has spent most of the morning in the university’s famous labyrinth,” the chancellor said, putting her hand on my shoulder. I resisted the urge to pull away. “Though she suffered no lasting injuries, she’s no doubt greatly fatigued and was only recently discharged from the healing center for magical exhaustion. Therefore, I ask that you do not burden her with a lot of questions about her ordeal. The faculty of Magisterius University joins you all in celebrating the safe return of one of our own. A celebratory luncheon will be served shortly in the area of the pent and the student union plaza, provided by Sloan Food Services.” She paused, and then added, “Students with particular dietary requirements may let the catering staff know, and every attempt will be made to meet them.”

It was pretty obvious that the purpose of the lunch was to move the crowd away from the administrative building as quickly as possible now that the crisis was over. Few things appealed to a college student more than free food.

The chancellor made a big show of shaking my hand and giving me a quick hug, then disappeared back inside. The guards who had been standing all along the front of the building closed ranks, blocking the door.

Amaranth tried to run to me as soon as the chancellor finished speaking, but her crowd of admirers was reluctant to part for her. Dee rose seemingly by just straightening her legs. She was quite a vision to behold, nude, with her white hair framing her head and torso like a halo of light. Ethereal beauty and grace were not exclusively the province of surface elves, though their darker cousins generally kept themselves hidden away one way or another.

She pulled on her robe, which she’d folded up and placed on top of her spread-out cloak. She donned the cloak, and drew the cowl over her head and face. Watching her dress herself was a bit like watching some kind of transformation. I’d never before noticed how bulky her garments made her look compared to her actual size. Now, I was reminded of fighters donning heavy armor.

While I watched Dee’s transfiguration, Steff reached me ahead of anybody else. She crashed into me, wrapping her arms around me in a crushing embrace and kissed me, open-mouthed, to pronounced whooping and hollering from the pride contingent. For a moment, I was too stunned to reciprocate, and she drew back, hurt and confused. I pulled her to me and kissed her back. There were wolf whistles and applause… and a few calls of derision.

We broke the clench as more people approached, Two and Ian among them. I hugged Two, then passed her into Steff’s arms and kissed Ian. Dee seemed to have vanished completely… parasol, placards, and all. I looked around for Amaranth, but she was still looking for a way through the crowd, too gentle to shoulder her way through it. Now that the crisis was over, too, she was starting to attract more interest from the guys around her, who crowded in closer and groped at her.

She stood on her toes and shot me an imploring look over the heads of the people in front of her. I wanted to run for her, but suddenly a boy was in my way. I tried to get around him, but he moved to block me.

“Hi, there… I’m Kent Angstrom, with the Gazetteer,” he said. “Is the pitchfork supposed to be some kind of statement?”

“Um, hi,” I said. “If you don’t mind, I’m trying to…”

“I just have a few questions. Did I hear the chancellor call you Ms. Mackenzie?”

“She gets abused by the healing center and dumped into a dungeon and that’s all you want to know about?” Steff asked. “Her choice of title?”

“Well, you have to admit, it’s an unconventional form,” Kent said. “I just wondered what it’s supposed to signify.”

“Conventions are for nerds and salesmen,” Steff said. She stepped between us. “Everybody has the right to be addressed as they see fit.”

“If you don’t mind, I’d like ‘Ms. Mackenzie’ to speak for herself,” Kent said.

“Hey, man,” Ian said. “She just wants to see her friends.”

“Considering the cross-section of the campus that turned out in support of her, that seems a little selfish,” Kent said. He turned to me. “People have questions. They’re going to want answers.”

“Look, I understand that, but I’m not sure I should be talking to anybody right now,” I said. Would doing so help or hurt my case? I really probably did need a lawyer.

“So, you’re planning to sue the school, then?”

“I didn’t say that,” I said. “Look, I just want to get to Amaranth.” Looking past the student reporter, I could see that she was being positively mobbed now.

Kent glanced over his shoulder. She’d just been lifted off her feet, a pair of men holding her legs and another moving between them. Clothing was being flung carelessly away.

“I think you’re going to have to get in line,” he said with a smirk.

My hand was in a fist and came up.

“Honey, no!” Steff cried. She and Ian both grabbed me. I let them pull me back.

“Look, man… back off,” Ian said.

“I’m just doing my job,” Kent said.

“Go do it somewhere else,” Ian said.

“I can take a hint,” Kent said, holding up his hands. “Stories are going to be written either way. I just thought you might like to have some input in what they say.”

Celia, Shiel, and some of their group had drifted over by this point.

“Hey, is this guy bothering you?” Moeli the hobgoblin asked. “You heard the chancellor, man.”

I couldn’t even see Amaranth any more, there were so many people around her now. I wanted to cry.

“Why don’t you mind your own business?” Kent said.

“Why don’t you, mammal?” Celia said, getting her snake-eyed visage right up in his face. Shiel, along with Oru and a couple of male goblins I didn’t know, partially surrounded him. He paled and stepped back.

“Fine,” Kent said. He looked at me. “I’ll talk to you later, though.”

“Fine,” I said. “I look forward to it.”

“Good,” he said, straightening his shirt and then walking away through the crowd.

I’d kind of expected Sooni, in her capacity as my self-declared “best friend”, to have led the charge towards me, but she seemed too busy with her own admirers to think of that. There were a few boys, but it was mostly girls, obviously fixated on her ridiculous hair or lavishing attention on the nekos. They were petting and scratching them, like they were actual animals.

Maliko and Kai looked murderous… but Suzi seemed to be into it.

“Hey, sweetie, you want me to try to dig Amy out?” Steff asked.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “She’s working.”

“Are you sure?”

I wasn’t, but I was sure enough. I wanted to sink into Amaranth’s warm curves and forget the arrows and hellhounds and everything else, but I didn’t want to disrupt her work. Giving her body to whoever wanted it was her sacred responsibility.

“Let’s just go to the lunch thing,” I said. “We can get some food and make an appearance and then go back to Harlowe. Amaranth can catch up.”

“Okay, you’re the boss,” Steff said. She gave me another kiss. “I’ll just run and go tell her the plan.”

She was off before I could say anything, using an odd combination of agility and boldness to get through the wall of onlookers and participants around Amaranth. She came back with a big grin on her face.

“That girl really knows how to take it in stride,” she said. “Or in anywhere else.”

Two ran up to grab my hand when we started walking.

“Where’s your friend, Hazel?” I asked her.

“She wanted to come, but her cousin Honey made her promise not to,” Two said. “She said, ‘What if the police get involved?’ But we weren’t breaking any laws. I checked.”

“I think Honey’s just a little sheltered,” I said.

“She’s a little goody no-shoes, you mean,” Steff said.

“I’m sure she means well,” I said.

“You really are Amy’s toy,” Steff said, shaking her head.

“And proud of it,” I said. To Ian, I said, “I, um, heard you playing, a little bit.”

“We were just sort of messing around,” he said.

“It was good,” I said.

He shook his head.

“Not yet,” he said. “But maybe we will be.”

They’d set up a bunch of portable grills and picnic tables in front of the union, with hot dogs, hamburgers, and chicken breasts. We hung around for a bit, and people kept coming up in ones and twos to introduce themselves or tell me they were glad I was okay. A lot of people seemed to just be there for the food, though, and I overheard quite a few people asking what it was there for.

I got my share of incredulous and even dirty looks from those who apparently couldn’t believe it was somehow in my honor.

When I judged that I’d done my duty, we went through the line. I made a pair of chicken sandwiches with hamburger buns and some mustard, and got a few carrot sticks and two little strawberry swirl ice cream cups. I saw Two take another ice cream cup after I got mine, and smiled.

“Your butt’s going to keep getting bigger if you keep eating like that,” Steff said.

“What do you mean, ‘keep getting bigger’?” I said, scowling. I tried to twist around to look behind me. “It’s the same size it’s always been.”

“No,” Two said, shaking her head. “It’s bigger.”

I looked at Ian. “What are they talking about?”

He threw up his hands and shook his head. “I’m not saying anything.”

“My butt is not big,” I said.

“I didn’t say big, I said bigger,” Steff said.

I started to put one of the ice creams back, but she grabbed me by the wrist.

“I didn’t say it’s a bad thing,” she said. “You’re starting to fill out, is all.”

“Why can’t it go up top instead?” I said, though I still didn’t quite believe her. I didn’t feel any different.

“Wait and see,” Steff said. “Maybe it’s working its way up.”

“I like your little breasts,” Ian said. I glared at him. “I mean, I like the size they are.”

“Thanks,” I said, deciding to take it in the spirit it had been intended. I’d almost died at least twice in the past week… possibly more times, if I counted the attacks of the previous weekend. I didn’t want another stupid, pointless fight with Ian.

We had to use both hands to carry our floppy paper plates, except for Steff who somehow managed with one. Two walked as close to me as she could on the way back to the hall. I would have liked for Amaranth to be there, too, but the company of two of my lovers and my adopted sister was enough to make me feel safer and more comfortable than it seemed like I’d felt in a long time.