262: In The End

on August 2, 2008 in Book 10

In Which Coming Occurs With Much Whimpering And Banging

From the beginning, Steff was very tender… she ran her hands gently up and down my body, kissing my neck and shoulders. I tried to turn around to face her in bed, but she kept moving with me as I did so.

It was exhilarating. It was also frustrating. I wanted to see her… to look into her eyes as she touched me. I wanted her to see the love in my eyes as clearly as I’d seen the need for it in hers, so many times.

“Steff…” I said.

“Shh,” she whispered. “Just let me be with you a while, first. It’s going to hurt when I do it…”

“You said you were going to be gentle,” I said.

“I am,” she said. “But, honey… I’ve only ever done this one way. I’m going to try to go slow and let you enjoy it, but you have to let me work up to it… and this way, even if you don’t enjoy…”

“I will, Steff,” I said. “It doesn’t matter what you do or how it goes… I’m going to love it, because it’s you.”

Steff gave a short laugh.

“Say that after we’re done, sweetie, and I’ll believe you,” she said. She slid her hand down the length of my arm, covering my hand with hers… massaging my fingers one at a time. “Do you want a ring?”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to risk the complications, not when pregnancy wasn’t even a possibility and neither of us were that susceptible to illness. Better to take a quick trip to the healing center later than ruin things now, during our one and only night in the Empress Suite.

“Okay, I’ll be right back,” she said.

“That was a no,” I said.

“I know, but I’ve got something I need to take care of.” She threw the blankets off of us and I felt the bed shifting as she crawled across it. I started to grab the for the covers and turn over so I could watch her leaving and coming back, but then her voice was in my ear. “Don’t move… don’t move a muscle. I want to think about you lying there like that until I get back.”

I laid back down, trying to arrange myself into the same position that Steff had left me in, doing my best to ignore the cool air on my skin. After spending so much time half-floating around in circles in the pool, the room felt less than stable… I kind of felt like I was floating still.

I lay there, wondering what was so important that Steff had to run off like that right before we finally did it… and then I heard the toilet flushing and water running. Oh, duh. It might have been a little embarrassing… or gross… if she hadn’t thought to take care of that in advance.

“Sorry about that,” she said as she came back into the room. “Couldn’t be helped.”

“It’s okay,” I said.

“Anyway, I found something fun-looking in the bathroom, looking for the hand soap,” she said, climbing into bed.

“What’s that?” I asked. I was still staying motionless for her.

“It’s a surprise,” she said. “Just hold still.”

If you’re ever asked to compile a list of the least reassuring things you can say during a sexual encounter, “I found something fun-looking in the bathroom”, “it’s a surprise”, and “just hold still” probably all need to be on there, in that order.

“Uh, Steff?” I said as she made her way towards me. “Is this something we need to maybe talk about first?”

“This is strictly white list material,” Steff said. “General admission, suitable for all ages… I promise.”

“Okay,” I said.

She threw a leg over me and sat down astride the back of my thighs, and then I heard a snap, followed by a squishing sound. Her weight shifted forwards, and her hands touched my shoulders with something cold and viscous.

“Eep!” I cried.

“Ticklish, all of a sudden?” she asked.

“Steff, that shit’s freezing!”

“Relax, it’ll warm up,” Steff said, and as she rubbed it around my shoulders, it did just that.

Not only did it feel warmer, but the warmth actually seemed to seep in through my skin, passing down into the muscle and leaving a pleasant tingling sensation behind. There was a scent of something spicy and herbal… probably several somethings blended together, but I couldn’t identify any of them.

“What is that?” I asked.

“They had massage oil in the bathroom,” Steff said, working her way down my back. “Can you believe it? This place is stocked… I’d love to spend a week here.”

“Can you imagine what that would cost?”

“No.”

“Neither could I,” I said.

I closed my eyes and tried to relax, tried to let myself go. It wasn’t working, though… sure, it felt good, but I was nervous, and restless. Part of me was thinking that this was like textbook romance stuff: a swanky penthouse suite, soft music, a reasonable facsimile of a roaring fire, scented massage oils… and two people who were absolutely crazy about each other, with one penis and one vagina between the two of them.

It was like the perfect recipe for love…

…but I wasn’t feeling it.

The massage was nice, but that’s all it was… nice. Steff had sensitive, capable fingers and she was very good at what she was doing, but it lacked the urgency I usually associated with Steff’s touch.

My night out with Ian had started with us deciding to leave off all the trappings of domination and submissiveness and just go out as a boyfriend and a girlfriend… and it had ended with him beating the shit out of me in the bathroom, and that had been wonderful.

So, I liked to dance… I loved to be loved… but it seemed like there was a limit to how much “typical romance” could do for me.

“Steff… I want you to fuck me,” I said.

“Shh, I’m working…”

“Steff, I want you to fuck me, hard,” I said.

I swear I could hear her swallow.

“Are… are you sure?” she asked. “I mean, you want me to do it…”

“Steff, I want you to do whatever you want to me,” I said. “Anything you want is fine, tonight.”

“The things I would do to you if that were true…” she said, running her fingernail in a wavy line down my spine, through the fluid she’d smeared on my back.

“Make love to me, Steff,” I said. “Be gentle if you want to… but don’t try to be anybody but yourself for me, and don’t treat me like I’m somebody else. You know who I am. You know what I like… you know what I’m like. You’ve known how to excite me more than anybody else, from the very beginning… when you first started teasing me while I sat on Amaranth’s lap.”

She didn’t say anything. Her hands came off of my body.

“Steff?” I asked, when seconds passed and she hadn’t responded. I heard the oil squirting again.

“Hang on,” she said, scooting down lower on my legs.

Her hands were on my buttocks, and she was rubbing the massage oil on the insides of my cheeks, and in the bottom of the crack. It was almost too hot for the sensitive skin there, especially when she started to rub it directly over my hole.

That had long been Amaranth’s favorite spot, and she’d stimulated it as much as I would allow her. Her most skillful of touches couldn’t compare to the tingly oil, though… at least not in intensity of sensation.

“Steff!” I cried.

“Shh, slut,” Steff whispered. “You said you wanted it, and now you’re going to get it… ready or not.”

There it was… that was what I wanted to hear. The heat from the oil seemed to flood all at once into the depths of my girly parts… and actually, on a more literal level, some of it was kind of dripping in that direction, anyway. Ouch. I felt almost hyper aware of myself, of my arousal. The feelings that I normally tried to abstract or generalize were coming through with crystal clarity. My clit was actually throbbing. I think for maybe the first time I was aware of it as a separate organ, a specific part of my body, without anybody touching it. I was hot and I was ready to go.

Steff’s finger was pressing against me now, pushing up against my… well, there’s no actual classy, sensual way to say my butthole, so I’ll just say her finger was pushing up against my butthole. I spent a second or two bracing myself, and then, the resistance was overcome and it was in. She held it there for a bit, and then started sliding it in and out, the slippery oil making for a smooth motion, but making the feeling of being penetrated there all the more bizarre.

She got another finger in alongside the first, and it felt like I was being pulled apart down there… like I was getting dozens of tiny little cuts. I don’t know if that was the effect of the oil when it got inside, or if that was just what it felt like to be opened up from the outside like that.

It felt good… I didn’t know if I could take a whole lot more of it, but it felt… well, not good, exactly. It was actually really starting to burn, a lot.

I was enjoying that more than I had the massage, though.

It didn’t feel good, but it did feel awesome.

Steff’s voice was a constant presence in my ear, but I was kind of more focused on the feeling of my ass being torn open and burning oil rubbed in the wound. I got the gist of it, though… I was bad, I was filthy, I was going to get it now, I was going to take it like the slut I was and I was going to like it.

On that last point, I didn’t have any doubt. No matter what Steff said, it was her…

The actual act, well… Steff had been right about it. She was kind of gentle, even while her voice kept cutting through my flesh like a spectral weapon and striking at the very core of me… but it did hurt.

Oh, sweet fuck, did it ever hurt.

She entered me much the same way as she’d first probed me with her finger… she lined herself up and just pushed until something gave, and of course, that something was me… one of the more sensitive and tighter points of my anatomy.

If I’d thought having a couple of fingers in me was tearing me apart… her cock was ripping me in half. She kept urging me to “relax”, in the middle of her stream of invective, but I didn’t know how I was supposed to do that when I was being impaled on flesh and ripped apart.

Once she was well and truly inside me and had started to move, she tried to reach around and touch me gently in the front, but my pussy was already on fire from the oil that had leaked down… one touch of her oiled-up finger on my clit was enough to make me scream in agony. It didn’t matter… I came again and again, the first orgasm coming out of nowhere at the end of that scream and carrying me along on a wave through the worst of the rest of the pain.

Behind me, Steff was crying… I don’t know if the oil hurt her, too, or if she was crying on my behalf, or if she was crying for another reason, but before long I was crying, too. I wished I could tell her that it was so damned good… and then I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t, but when I opened my mouth all that came out was another long, drawn-out scream.

It went on and on like that, the pain building and then being overwhelmed by a burst of pleasure and then building back up again until I wasn’t seeing anything in front of me but red. How long could Steff go on?

I didn’t have a great sense of time to begin with, but by the time I finally collapsed, exhausted and gasping for breath… well, actually, Steff was still pounding away at that point. I lay quivering on my stomach while her hard dick slid in and out of my poor, oil-and-other-stuff-drenched opening.

Finally it was done… she was done. She rolled off of me, with an audible pop as her dick pulled free, and then we lay on the bed, me on my stomach and her on her back. She stretched out an arm towards me, and I very slowly reached out to touch her fingertips with my own.

Have I mentioned that it was a big bed?

“Oil… not such a great idea?” she asked, gasping.

“It was a good idea… it was a wonderful idea,” I said. My voice was very hoarse. “Steff, that was incredible.”

“Really?” Steff asked. “I mean, I liked it… but you sounded like you were being murdered.”

I crawled closer to her, reaching out and touching her half-hard dick. She winced, so I pulled my hand back.

“I’d think you would like that,” I said, crawling up to snuggle up against her side, looking up at the side of her face. She blushed. In the orange firelight, the touch of color in her cheeks made them look almost gold.

“I… I loved it, honestly,” she said. I glanced down the length of her body in time to see her dick giving a visible throb. “But I hated it, too. It was exciting, but… it killed me, too.”

I sat up and kissed her on the forehead.

“Thank you for that,” I said. “It was wonderful, and I loved it… and I will always treasure the memory of it… now let’s go wash this shit off of each other.”

Exhausted as we were, we found it in ourselves to get to the master bathroom and started filling the sunken bath that was almost as big across as the pool.

I dragged myself back to the living room and found that my bubble stuff was okay, to my profound relief. Yes, it was in a plastic bottle and the carpeting was very plush, but if anybody could have managed a break under those circumstances, it would have been me.

We ended up pouring in most of the bottle. I started out by putting in a little bit to see how far that would go. Then, prompted by Steff’s impatience, I added a little more… and a little more… and a little more. Soon the surface of the tub resembled an arctic landscape, covered with mighty, mountainous glaciers.

That wasn’t the only way in which it resembled the arctic, unfortunately. I had to accept a little cold water mixed in with the hot, for Steff’s sake… though honestly, the cooler water was kind of soothing on my skin, a little. It was okay.

We held each other and cuddled in the water until we found the strength to make out… and in alarmingly short order, Steff was hard again, just like that, and we started to fool around in various ways.

I had to turn down her request for a blowjob… I’d almost taken her dick into my mouth before, but I couldn’t escape the awareness that it had, in recent memory, been inside my butt. It didn’t matter that Steff herself had been the only thing to pass through that hole in nine years.

It didn’t matter that we’d taken a bath and had vigorously washed her member… actually, she washed it twice and then I washed it three times.

Seriously, she was like a freaking automaton.

Anyway, the point is, it didn’t matter what logic or reason told me… “if it came out of my butt, it ain’t going in my mouth” was logical enough for me.

“It’s just too soon,” I told her, after trying and failing to explain my reasons.

We were sitting on opposite sides of the tub, with mountains of foam in between us. Seeing Steff naked was such a non-event, at least with regards to the thing she worried about, but she’d covered her body strategically with the long-lasting bubbles. It was kind of an alluring effect, like seeing somebody in sexy lingerie versus seeing them butt naked.

“You think it’s going to get cleaner if we just wait?” she asked.

“Pointing out that it’s actually not going to do that isn’t going to help anything,” I said. “If you let me wait a while, give my mind time to get past the fact that you fucked me in the butt…”

“Or… alternatively… we could skip the oral and just do that all over again,” Steff said, her face lighting up with that greedy smile that drove me so wild.

“I don’t know, I’m still pretty sore,” I said.

“How sore?” Steff asked hungrily.

“Very,” I said. I was trying for a sexy purr. I didn’t really have it in me… but I still kind of had the hoarse thing going on, and I think that might have been close enough.

“Let’s go for extremely,” Steff said.

“Minus the oil,” I said.

“Minus the oil,” Steff agreed.

I wasn’t expecting us to lack for alternative lubrication options in a bathroom that had come equipped with massage oil, but Steff quickly found an actual bottle of “personal lubricant” in the same mirrored cupboard where she’d found the oil.

So, we did it again… in the water, surrounded by mountains of bubbles, and with proper lube. It wasn’t as mind-blowing, mind-numbing, or just plain mind-destroying in its intensity as our first time had been, but it was wonderful all the same.

I was glad we’d waited… glad we’d had the chance to do something wonderful and unique like dancing in the pool, alone with each other, before I’d given in and given myself up to Steff… but I was also glad the wait was over. Sex with Steff was everything I’d hoped it would be… the way she wanted me… the sheer animal enthusiasm she brought to it… everything.

I kind of wished it hurt less, though.

Maybe just a little bit.


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6 Responses to “262: In The End”

  1. PSA says:

    I get that Mack is into the pain and all, but for anyone reading this who hasn’t actually done this deed but is considering do so in the future, please heed the following advice: It’s *not* supposed to hurt. If it hurts, stop.

    Current score: 6
    • Athena says:

      That applies to vaginal sex… not anal. Much like even vaginal *will* hurt the first time, so will anal, and even with care it’s still much, much tighter than a vagina.

      No, the salient point here is to learn to distinguish different kinds of pain. A duller, stretching kind of pain is okay. Once you get into it you’ll stop noticing that, and it’s just muscle pain from the stretching rather than any actual injury. If you get into anal regularly enough and with enough lube, it will quite possibly/likely even go away altogether after a bit.

      A sharp, stinging or burning pain, however, is a different matter. Even that doesn’t necessitate calling a total stop either, but it does mean you need to at least pause briefly and let you body adjust and relax some more before moving again – it’s the kind of pain you won’t be able to relax around, and trying to continue with stress-tightened muscles will only guarantee injury. Wait until it goes away entirely, and if moving at all brings it back regardless, *then* you need to call a total stop because you’ve injured something a bit and will probably need to heal before you try again.

      Just outright saying you need to stop if it hurts is like saying you need to stop exercising if it hurts at all… it’s not true. Nor is it true that pain is always good while exercising, sure, but it isn’t *always* bad. One just needs to learn the difference between pain signalling an actual injury (or that you’re about to get one), which does mean stop immediately, and pain which just means “you are using these muscles in ways/degrees they’re not used to”.

      Current score: 3
    • Kat says:

      Even when it’s done right it always hurts, but…in a good way. You need lube and preparation, but the feeling of being stretched is a bit like using your muscles a lot in unusual ways. It’s not a tearing pain but a good kind of pain.
      If it suddenly gets wet and something burns and is very hot you should stop and see if there is blood though. Some people just aren’t built for certain sizes.

      Current score: 0
  2. lunchbox says:

    If you use warming lube, I promise you it will hurt, haha.
    I almost slapped the one person who was silly enough to suggest using it in alternative to good ‘ol fashioned regular lube.

    Personally, I find coconut oil the best thing to use. But that’s a huge no-no with latex, so the chance to use it won’t come up often for a lot of people. However, being sexual for years monogamously with my dear has allowed us the chance to experiment.

    Current score: 2
  3. Artemis says:

    Actually, if done correctly it doesn’t have to hurt at all. But learning to relax enough for it not to can be tough.

    Current score: 1
    • Athena says:

      As mentioned above, with enough practice you can probably pretty much get rid of the pain, yes. However, your “learning to relax enough” has a sampling bias… no-one who can do that is a first-timer anyway. Which is the thing, I’m pretty sure first-time anal is going to hurt no matter *how* much you relax. By the time you learn to relax enough, you’ve also gotten the muscles more used to that kind of stretching.

      (I will admit one addendum… you can certainly avoid first-time pain if the thing penetrating you is small enough. If said thing *is* a guy, it’s ah… kind of sad, though, really. Nor about “doing it right” so much as needing to actively try to screw it up… This is from experience but went unmentioned last time cause… well, I’m a lot better about talking about it these days, but I didn’t even want to think about it back then. The person and the incident, not anal)

      Current score: 0